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Ive read through my past entries on a couple of occasions and kinda thought to myself about how i seemed more passionate about everything. Since then, ive come to the conclusion that the more i learned about everything, the more skeptical i became of everything, thus losing my passion for many things. I dont know why the passion left, but sometimes it seems like being naive or dumb about something attaches something to you much stronger emotionally for that time than when you've seemingly satisfied that passion by furthering your knowledge or experience of it. To elaborate, this happened to me with playing music. Once it became institutionalized(i.e. college), it lost is glow and drive for me. It made me question whether or not music was a passion of mine. Whether making it a job would take away from my personal enjoyment of it.
Honestly, i couldn't live without music. Im not the ipod-toting music junkie that i have been in the past, but sometimes without music...the silence would kill me.
I cant seem to place my exact thoughts about this passion thing. I cant determine whether or not it is a unique case just in me or might explain why the divorce rate in America is so high. Kids dont even hinder that statistic anymore. Im trying to think of people that actually "do what they love" and fail miserably at counting on my fingers the number of people i know personally that have succeeded in doing so as a living. Not because i cant count...but because it isn't common at all now. Most people live this miserable existence working their mind/ego numbing jobs that have them stuck because it actually offers health care or other "benefits" that are there to reduce turnaround rates in employment because people definitely dont love those jobs.
shout out here to Patrick Pope. i miss you buddy. lets chill when you are back in town sometime.
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| Trying times really make you think. For me, a bit too much. Right now i feel like im on the verge of depressing myself. I can't escape my thoughts by going places and doing things because i have no money and nowhere to go. School starts soon, so that will hopefully give some refuge and occupy my mind with studies. I could really use a scenery change. People, places, things...all of it. It isnt an option though. I've somehow gotten myself into this hole by my apathy and lack of determination. That, of all things, has to change. I feel like ive been here before. I know i have. A time where i've let myself slip up and i have to redeem myself, but this time seems different. Much harder than before. Who knows what will happen? i might live under a bridge soon. Wouldnt be so farfetched, honestly.
Pat Matheny is keeping perspective at the moment. A wonderful album "the Way Up" reminds me of what someone would portray as city life/hope via music. Kinda reminds me of Hey Arnold from Nickelodeon back in the day as well. Antonio Sanchez is a friggin badass on drums. i mean wow.
The privacy of this site is awesome. granted anyone could find this by going to google or something, but ive got nothing to hide.
Itunes just read my unconscious mind. Circa Survive. Thank you apple.
It's insane how parasitic people are. I didn't realize how many ways a person could be used by another, but as i get older the ways grow exponentially. I honestly dont think i have anyone sucking the life out of me right now, but i'd be a bit more enthused if i honestly knew someone had any desire to spend time with just me even for selfish reasons.
"...it's not like it was before" wow. exactly. Act Appalled seems to summise all of the above.
Well, if only one person reads this, that's ok. this is for me.
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| Wow. I still get updates in my email from people posting on here. That's delicious. I've been on here for the past 2 hours reading previous entries that i had. For me, this site goes back to my freshman year of high school, through graduation and then 2 years into college. I actually cried a bit when i read the post after my grandfather's death. =( That is a large chunk of my "growing up" life. Granted, soo much has changed since i last wrote on here.
I miss how passionate i was about life back when i wrote on here. Now, im existing. I think i've got the grown-up bug that makes you a bit mindless about having to work all the time and pay bills. I feel like i don't have anyone to love right now and it makes it seem like my heart is going to waste. I use to love everyone. Gave my heart freely to all, although some didn't deserve it and took advantage of it. Others faded in time, much like i have.
I'm sorry. A general apology to those i've allowed to get away from me. It is as much my fault as anyone's, though friendships reciprocate. I've ghosted my way into a situation where i don't know me and thus, no one really does.
Enough of the deep-seeded mumbo jumbo. I honestly think i might use this to escape myspace and facebook. I had a much greater attachment to this site. (adds to bookmark toolbar)
start the revolution. bring it back y'all. | | |
| I'm sick of people that know everything about music. Maybe that would be hypocritical of me...but i mean the people that act like they reign supreme over music. The 'dont listen to that band, they've been worn out' kind of people that try and dictate what others listen to. I know i've had my times where i've made suggestions and given my opinions on bands, whether they were positive or negative, but i do my best to find good in everything i hear. It bothers me even more when people that know good music dont share it with the world. It's like if they told someone else about it...it would completely ruin that music....like it would somehow alter the music itself through word of mouth. That is complete shit. That isnt a love for music...thats a desire to be better than everyone and be stingy with one of the world's greatest (infinite)treasures. If it is a fear of the music becoming too mainstream, then who are you to say that the band doesn't want it to be that way. I know it isnt the sole purpose of a band to sell a million records...but they do desire to be successful. I do my best to share as much music with as many people as i can. I make it known that i dont stake any claim to introducing them to this music. Instead, i see it more as a duty to pass it on to someone else...an act of appreciation for those who have worked so hard to create these masterpieces.
Discover music.
Tell a friend.(or twenty)
This is how the music world goes 'round.
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| If I said she didn't make me smile
you should never trust me again
because good sir, it's a lie and
what good am I without your trust
Many thoughts come to mind
take your pick, but it would take
that specific event to make haste
of this cynical judgment on me
Look Sir! There, floating above the ground
coming in the direction that is ours
See my smile? I tell you...
she does it every time.
You there ma'am, do my eyes decieve me?
or is this ethereal creature real enough for you and I?
Real enough to touch, to sense, to kiss?
"My good sir, I would definitely say so."
I return to you sir with only one question.
one question I ponder as I smile.
Can she be mine?
"Where there is a will..." he put so simply.
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